Forgiveness:
* A word suggesting a letting go, a releasing, an action which has the power to soothe, heal, reunite and recreate;
* A decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge;
* The act that hurt or offended us may always remain as a part of our life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on us and help us focus on other, positive parts of our life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt us.
* Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting us, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. We can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps us go on with life.
* A decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge;
* The act that hurt or offended us may always remain as a part of our life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on us and help us focus on other, positive parts of our life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt us.
* Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting us, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. We can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps us go on with life.
When we’re hurt or betrayed by someone we love and trust, we may become angry, sad, disappointed or confused. If we dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility may take root. If we allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, we may find our self swallowed up by our own bitterness or sense of injustice or unfairness in life.
Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. A way to begin is by recognizing the value of forgiveness and its importance in our life at a given time. Then reflect on the facts of the situation, how we’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected our life, health and well-being. When we’re ready, actively choose to forgive the person who’s offended us. Move away from our role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in our life. As we let go of grudges, we’ll no longer define our life by how we’ve been hurt. We may even find compassion and understanding
What if the person I’m forgiving doesn’t change?
Getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words isn’t the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change our life — by bringing us more peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness takes away the power the other person continues to wield in our life.
Getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words isn’t the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change our life — by bringing us more peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness takes away the power the other person continues to wield in our life.
What if I’m the one who needs forgiveness?
Consider admitting the wrong you’ve done to those you’ve harmed, speaking of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically asking for forgiveness — without making excuses. Remember, however, you can’t force someone to forgive you. Others need to move to forgiveness in their own time. Simply acknowledge your faults and admit your mistakes. Then commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect.
Consider admitting the wrong you’ve done to those you’ve harmed, speaking of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically asking for forgiveness — without making excuses. Remember, however, you can’t force someone to forgive you. Others need to move to forgiveness in their own time. Simply acknowledge your faults and admit your mistakes. Then commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect.
The Benefits of Forgiving:
Letting go of grudges and bitterness makes way for compassion, kindness and peace.
Letting go of grudges and bitterness makes way for compassion, kindness and peace.
Forgiveness can lead us to:
- Healthier relationships
- Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
- Less stress and hostility
- Lower blood pressure
- Fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic pain
- Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse
- Healthier relationships
- Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
- Less stress and hostility
- Lower blood pressure
- Fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic pain
- Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse
Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation?
If the hurtful event involved someone whose relationship we otherwise value, forgiveness may lead to reconciliation. This isn’t always the case, however. Reconciliation may be impossible if the offender has died or is unwilling to communicate with us. In other cases, reconciliation may not be appropriate, especially if we were attacked or assaulted. But even in those cases, forgiveness is still possible — even if reconciliation isn’t.
If the hurtful event involved someone whose relationship we otherwise value, forgiveness may lead to reconciliation. This isn’t always the case, however. Reconciliation may be impossible if the offender has died or is unwilling to communicate with us. In other cases, reconciliation may not be appropriate, especially if we were attacked or assaulted. But even in those cases, forgiveness is still possible — even if reconciliation isn’t.
How about Self-forgiveness?
- Self-forgiveness is a very good healing strategy for both those we love and ourselves;
- Self-forgiveness sometimes even more challenging than forgiving another person;
- Self-forgiveness is not a selfish person. It is a person who remains stuck in self-doubt and self condemnation who will lead the more selfish, less productive life;
- Self-forgiveness keeps us from being stuck; it keeps us moving;
- In order to practice genuine self-forgiveness, we must accept full responsibility for who we are and what we do;
- Self-forgiveness is essentially inseparable from self-acceptance, self-respect and self-responsibility.
- Self-forgiveness is a very good healing strategy for both those we love and ourselves;
- Self-forgiveness sometimes even more challenging than forgiving another person;
- Self-forgiveness is not a selfish person. It is a person who remains stuck in self-doubt and self condemnation who will lead the more selfish, less productive life;
- Self-forgiveness keeps us from being stuck; it keeps us moving;
- In order to practice genuine self-forgiveness, we must accept full responsibility for who we are and what we do;
- Self-forgiveness is essentially inseparable from self-acceptance, self-respect and self-responsibility.
True forgiveness is an act of the highest of human behaviors.
(Pdt. Alokasih Gulo)
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